He's just like that adorable stuffed animal you used to cuddle up to when you were little, only with a very disturbing twist. The Hide-A-Vibe Teddy Bear has a secret compartment to stash condoms, lube, a vibrator, etc. (Um hello, isn't that what bedside drawers are for?) The downside: It's man poison. Beyond your guy questioning the fact that you are a grown woman who still sleeps with a stuffed bear, when he sees you whip a magnum and handcuffs out of its furry back chances are he'll totally freak out. Oh, and remember to keep it away from your kid niece because you do not want to have to explain why Teddy comes with his own hot pink walking stick.

Save Mother Earth en route to O-Town! Dubbed the "most eco-friendly toy on the planet," this vibrator is made from recycled plastics and is battery-free so you can go green while getting your buzz on. Sounds good so far...until we get to the part about powering up the manually-charged Angel. You have to wind its teeny crank for four freakin' minutes—at which point we're guessing your hand will be too cramped to hold it anyway. We'll stick with vibes that don't require so much manual labor, thank you very much.